The Right of Passage Experience

Our sons and daughters are looking for someone to tell them who they are, what they’re capable of, and where they belong. If we as fathers don’t intentionally mark that moment for them, someone else will—and they may not point them toward God’s truth. Let’s be the men who help our children step boldly into the life God has for them.

What is a Right of Passage and What Does it Do?

Simply put, a Right of Passage (ROP) experience helps children transition into a mature individual, on their way to adulthood.

ROP's have been used for centuries to prepare children for adulthood by guiding, challenging and mentoring them so they can confidently take on new roles in their family and community. In most non-Western societies the ROP typically occurs between 12-14 years of age. 

Sadly, Right of Passage experiences do not exist in present day within Western societies, but it can and should be part of every parents life process with their respective family and children!

Historical Context: 

Historical ROP helped young people transition into mature roles. In Eastern, tribal and ancient cultures, Rites of Passage were common. Examples include:

· Jewish Bar/Bat Mitzvah – age 12–13, marking spiritual maturity.

· Maasai Warrior Initiation – physical and mental challenges to prove readiness.

· Native American Vision Quests – solitude, fasting, and reflection for personal clarity.

Christian Context:

As Christian fathers, we are called to train our children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), not leave culture to define adulthood for them. Mark Batterson's book 'Play the Man' urges us to “play the man” ourselves and to “make the man/ woman” in the next generation. A Rite of Passage grounds children in faith, character, and mission before they face the independence of adulthood.  Scripture which supports this includes:

· Hebrews 5:14: “But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil”

· 1 Corinthians 13:11: “When I was a child, I speak as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I become a man, I put away childish things.”

· Proverbs 22:6 – "Train up a child in the way he should go…" Training is active and intentional.

· Psalm 78:4 – We are to “tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD.”

Virtues to Consider Shaping Through a ROP Experience:

While everyone has a different perspective of what is important in life and what values are vital to uphold, there tends to be seven in which most Christian families acknowledge as being key to future success for young adults.  If you are considering putting together a ROP experience for your child, consider building it around these key virtues which would then be behaviors you will look to help them develop through the experience and beyond:

- Tough Love: love which forgives, sacrifices and persists

- Childlike Wonder: Inspires curiosity, adventure and humility

- Will Power: Saying "no" to self, "yes" to integrity

- Raw Passion: Living with contagious, Christ-centered fervor

- True Grit: Persevering through hardship and discomfort

- Clear Vision: Grounded in mission, guiding daily life choices

- Moral Courage: Serving others, not playing it safe

Building a Modern Right of Passage Experience:

ROP experiences often include three (3) main elements which include a learning experiences, a challenge(s), and a formal ending described as a ceremony.  Below you will find some quick notes to consider:

A. Learning

· Biblical teaching: Studies on manhood/womanhood, integrity, stewardship, service, and faith.

· Life skills: Finances, basic home repair, conflict resolution, self-leadership, helping others

· Mentoring: Involve other godly men or women to teach specialized lessons.

B. Experiences

· Physical challenges: A hike, overnight camp, survival skills, long-distance bike ride—something that stretches endurance.

· Service projects: Serving at a homeless shelter, helping build something for someone in need.

· Solo reflection time: 1–2 days away from electronics, with Scripture and journal prompts to process who God has called them to be.

C. Ceremony / Blessing

· End with a meaningful gathering where:

o Men speak affirmations over the youth.

o Parents present a symbolic gift (Bible, ring, watch, sword, etc.).

o Public declaration of the transition into adulthood roles and expectations.

Examples of a Modern Day ROP:

The beauty of a ROP experience is it's a marker moment for that child, one they will never forget.  For this reason it's important to note each family may approach this process in a different manner, one which addresses their child's individual needs and family values.  Below is intended to be an example of the timing and process to put together an ROP for a child between the ages of 12-14 years old.

1. Preparation phase (6 months)

o Weekly father-son/ daughter Bible study on courage and biblical living.

o Teach practical skills: cooking a meal, changing a tire, public speaking, running a home, finances.

o Set up “mentor lunches” with three trusted people from your inner circle who express the same values you and your family uphold

2. Challenge phase (3 days)

o Backpacking trip with physical and spiritual challenges (e.g., Scripture memorization during the hike).

o One 24-hour solo time with journal and Bible.

o Service work for a needy family.

3. Celebration phase (evening ceremony)

o Invite family and mentors.

o Share what was learned.

o Present a family heirloom or meaningful object.

o Speak blessings and words of commissioning.